Friday and "pity."

Thank GOD for Fridays. It's been a long week, and I'm ready to relax. Someone who thinks that she's close to me said something last night that I found funny. She said that all I think about is myself, and that I want "pity." Those of you that ARE close to me in everyday life, know what's been going on, have been around, ask questions... know this isn't the case. The last thing anyone with Parkinson's wants is "Pity." Especially me. It's rare that I complain about what I go through every day. If I did... I'd drive myself nuts just thinking about it. I try every day to get my mind OFF my body. I try to concentrate on the positive things going on in my life. But I think I'm going to use this entry to explain what a day in the life of Parky's is like. And no... I'm NOT looking for "Pity." I hope that person reads this and finally understands. Doubtful, but I'll try.
I wake in the morning with cramps. First thing I do when I get out of bed is take a handful of pills that will get my body moving. I've always hated medication, but it's part of my daily life now. I take pills in the morning, in the afternoon and before bedtime. I could name them all, but the only one that's really important to me is Sinemet. It's my juicer. It stops the stuff that people see. Makes my movements more "fluid." Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. Going back to my first blog yesterday... it really depends on how much stress I'm under. Regardless... every one of my meds cause drowsiness. I get drowsy, but sadly I don't actually sleep. Forget the meds. Seriously... there's not a moment in my day I'm not feeling SOMETHING physical. I may not be shaky or rigid (depending on what part of the day I'm in and what I'm taking), but I always feel shaky on the INSIDE. It's sometimes unnerving. And there's not a medication out there that can take THAT away. There's not a hour in my day when something isn't happening with my body. You "normal" people complain of headaches, stomach problems, colds, etc... try living my life for a day. And then LISTEN to what comes out of my mouth. I hardly ever complain. Why? Because I've seen the end stage of this disease, and I'm blessed that I'm not there. And hopefully through research and development of new drugs... I won't be there any time soon. My body starts fading right around sunset. Meaning that I get fatigued, tired, and rigid (I go from tremor to stiffness pretty quickly). I can handle the tremor. No problem! It's the rigidity that is sometimes painful. It feels like every muscle in my body is flexed. I get spasms and cramps. Imagine living with a constant charlie horse. That's what it feels like sometimes. Do I complain. NO. It doesn't accomplish anything. Usually I just sit quietly in front of the tv, take muscle relaxers that usually don't work, and talk to God. Yes. I said God! Silently in my head I have a one way conversation with the man/woman above. It FEELS like it's one way, but it isn't. Usually if things are really quiet in the house... I do get a message. PATIENCE. I can feel a stillness. Not in my body, but in my head. For me... that's GODLY. I know that what I'm going through is God's Will. Maybe it's so that I can touch others and bring about change. Maybe it's so that when people see someone in the grocery store, on the boardwalk, in a wheel chair, or at the mall using a cane (I've been this someone)... they think twice before being ignorant. Maybe it's so that people have more empathy. Maybe it's so I can open up a conversation about people with disabilities and what we go through. For quite some time I was scared to go out in public. I didn't like it when people stared at me. Now I have fun with it. I actually ask people what's up. Usually I don't get a response, but I know it makes them THINK about how stupid they are. I had a friend that used to make fun of fat people riding around in the scooters at the department stores. He doesn't do that any more. A overweight person riding around in a scooter isn't lazy. People you meet or see in everyday life all have their own burdens and crosses to bear. I try to remember that when I'm dealing anyone. You never know what that person is going through.
See?! I got off the subject. Back to what I was talking about before. I don't want pity. If you pity me... GO FUCK YOURSELF. If you're part of my life you should do the research and understand my disease. Don't make assumptions about something you don't know ANYTHING about. Getting through a "NORMAL" day for me is a lot different that getting through a "NORMAL" day for you NORMAL people. LOL! I'm not complaining. I'm trying to make it REAL for a certain person in my life. I like to say that I'm an Optimistic REALIST... and I hope that came through with this entry.
Ok. Again. That blog just took 2 hours to type. I give up for the day. Hope everyone has a great weekend! I'm looking forward to mine! WHOOP WHOOP! I'll be back on Monday! Pic was taken this morning.